I can honestly say that the past can haunt my mind at times. It can cause unnecessary triggers that project my mind to what was, not what is. Nobody wants to live in the fear or sadness of yesterday, but I believe it is normal that these emotions come up. Who doesn’t have at least one thing in their life that they wish was different? It could be anything from wishing a family member was closer to you emotionally, that your job was different, that you could stop being so angry, that you didn’t lose a loved one, the list can go on and on.
My husband had said to me last week that writing a blog about the pain alcoholism causes even long after one is in recovery would be a topic many can relate too. He is absolutely right about that. The years going through my husbands alcoholism were some of the darkest and loneliest times of my life. Everything from the amount of money that was pissed away, the family time that we all missed out on, the broken promises, the lies, & the infidelity caused so much emotional damage.
Life can be funny; but I have learned so much from all the things we have gone through. When one person has an addiction problem it is easy to “exonerate” yourself from any accountability for things that are going wrong. I know for me I became an enabler and truth be told I didn’t have to stay I “chose to stay”. Even though his behaviors may have been atrocious at times it was still what I allowed to happen. Now that isn’t the same as taking blame for the things he chose to do. Like it wasn’t my choice for him to be drunk a lot of the time, it wasn’t my choice for him to lie, it wasn’t my choice for him to be unfaithful. What I am saying is that we all make our own choices in life whether they are good or bad and they do affect others. Sometimes it has a life long affect on someone and you may not heal completely from it, it does leave scars.
I know when you make a choice to change things and you work at it everyday your life suddenly blossoms into a whole new life you never thought was possible! Having forgiveness in your heart, always holding on to hope, believing in something and someone, and being totally honest with yourself even with the things you don’t want to be honest about. Taking accountability for let’s say your behaviors, your reactions to someone, doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t even mean your wrong. It simply means you are being “real” with yourself and others. If your feeling bitter don’t put all the blame on your spouse because of things they did find a way to turn it around.
The most important things I have learned is I don’t fail if I try even if I don’t succeed! I don’t have to keep reacting to old triggers and wounds that may always be hurtful to me. That doesn’t mean I have perfected this by any means I still have terribly painful days. But I can choose to not give it that negative power and allow it instead to teach me the lessons I need to learn from it and turn it into something positive that I can share with others. Life is a beautiful amazing journey and sometimes we will be up and others we will be down. When you learn how to listen to someone without needing to react, when you give without expecting in return, when you are hurting or are angry but instead of lashing out you hold out your hand to your spouse because they need you that is when you have reached a new level of compassion and empathy!
Life is all about balance and when we learn to not have such severe reactions in a negative aspect we grow as a human being. Our hearts become more open, our eyes see things in ways we have never seen them before and the way you relate to your spouse brings a deeper emotional bond like you have never had before because your mind and heart are no longer clouded with negative judgment and you love them maybe for the first time unconditionally!
Love is the most powerful energy out there and when you allow it to come into your life in it’s purest form, you will know true forgiveness, you will feel a sense of peace because your now open to accepting all life has to offer you the good and the bad and you will take each day as a blessing to learn a new lesson for your life!
Wishing you Peace & Serenity, Harmony