I was talking with a good friend of mine recently who is having trouble keeping weight on due to her health. She had said to me that she looks in the mirror right now and is so disgusted and sad she said she is skin and bones. She said “I never felt this bad about myself when I was fat”. So many of us struggle with our self-image no matter what size or shape we may be. In that moment I thought to myself “here I am feeling disgusted with myself because of the extra weight I have on and some day like my friend I may really wish I had it back”.
A few months ago on the internet I stumbled upon a woman named (Tess Munster) she is a plus-sized model. Why is this important for my blog? Because from what I have read she is a size 22 and the first woman of that size to sign with a big modeling agency. Way to go Tess! (The photo to the left was found on the internet.) I would love to meet this woman. I follow her on social media and the messages of outpouring support for her is amazing. There will always be other people who have a problem with a woman who isn’t the typical cliché of what she is “suppose” to look like according to societies standards.
This woman from the moment I read about her and looked at her photos just wowed me. You see I have always struggled with self-confidence where my body image is concerned. I was a skinny young girl and a skinny teenager and then when I was about nineteen years old I gained a lot of weight (about 40 pounds) and it seemed to just stay on me for the most part. I watched what I ate I went to the gym everyday and worked out but my weight never really budged but at times I would lose a lot then it would come right back. This was aggravating to me because I was doing everything right. Fast forward about eleven years later when I found myself at the emergency room for severe upper abdominal pain. Turns out that sudden weight gain and loss was due to a large tumor sitting on my left adrenal gland that had been growing for about 12 years according to the Endocrinologist which was the size of a small grapefruit 10.5 cm. I needed surgery to remove the tumor and my left adrenal gland. It turned out to be adrenal cancer but I was very lucky in the aspect that I didn’t have to have radiation or chemo. I went for many years of testing and specialist to keep an eye on it. I also developed a thyroid condition which I continue to take medication for and always will.
I have allowed the negative comments from men and other people over the years to really mess with my mind and trick me into believing that I am anything but beautiful just because I may be bigger and have more curves. I strive to be that woman who can look in the mirror and regardless of the stretch marks, scars, freckled skin from the sun, not having a flat tummy still see beauty. Even if I am thin there are permanent flaws that will never go away no matter what size I am. I feel like society has projected this image in the minds of everyone that to parade around in a bikini you must be a size zero and flawless and when you are big you must cover yourself up and feel ashamed. When I see women that are bigger or curvier than others being confident (not conceded there is a big difference) I feel envious because I have this tarnished image of myself and I want that same confidence. We are all human none of us is perfect there are beautiful people all over the world, we all possess beauty in our own way.
Although I struggle with my self image I am working hard at realizing that my body is a shell I live in it isn’t who I am as a person. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t love my body at any age. size, or shape. I have good days of acceptance and bad days of rejection, I am my own worst enemy. I know I have a big kind heart, I am honest, I am a good Mother, daughter, & friend, I am a great wife, (my husband say’s I am beautiful & awesome) I rescue animals, but my appearance is my area of weakness but in other areas I excel and have a powerful strength! We all need to be proud of who we are and flaunt what you’ve got! I know beauty isn’t defined by the number on my scale or the size of clothes I wear. True beauty shines from the inside out. The confidence Tess exudes is nothing short of phenomenal and I for one am so proud to be living in a day and age where a woman of her size can be seen by all as gorgeous, because people of all sizes, shapes & color have an issue with self-confidence. I have met very petite beautiful woman who are completely not attractive because of who they are as a person but I can also say the same for a person of size. You can paint and dress the outer canvas anyway you choose and you may look stunning but the darkness inside always seeps outside and makes you look not so beautiful after all.
My moral of the story is the old adage “don’t judge a book by it’s cover get to know what’s inside first.” To me this woman “Tess” is an inspiration she is an empowering force to young girls and woman all over the world and I commend her for standing up and loving herself for all that she is and all that she has to offer. Although as I have read she is still learning to accept things like her tummy area because it is big and round and has stretch marks from having her son but the positive twist she puts on it as she said “it is where her beautiful son came from”. She has shown us that beauty doesn’t come from a number. I wish we could all step on a scale no matter your size big small or in between and replace numbers with encouragement. Like “Your a great mother”, “Your Loving”, “Your smile lights up a room”, “You can beat this”, “Your amazing”, “Your Inspiring”, “I believe in you”! Who wouldn’t want to hear any of those kind words.
Some of us are a work in progress but for me the more I see women like Miss Tess Munster representing women and encouraging everyone to love the body they are in and walk like you own it the more empowered I feel to strut my stuff like I too am a beautiful model in my own life! Thank you Tess for the positive message your spreading around the world, many blessings to you and yours good luck from all the woman of the world may you rock the runways!!
Wishing you Peace & Serenity………Harmony Rose