What Do Women Really Want???

88745_20130319_122629_collage2[1]I wish I could say this will be an easy blog, simple and short but detail is important on this topic. You meet, you fall in love, you live happily ever after!  It just doesn’t quite work that way does it?  Me, I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in Forever, and soul mates, I believe we all have a little girls fairy tale deep within our hearts. Now I can’t speak for every woman out there but I certainly can share my thoughts about this topic as well as what many other women have expressed to me. Men, if you are going to tell us things just because you think we want to hear them your sadly mistaken, it has to be honest, we are obviously going to notice that you talk the talk but you don’t walk the walk!

I love this saying “mean what you say, say what you mean”!  Telling someone something that is not based on truth is just a sugar coated lie and nobody wants that do they?  It has been shown in studies that women speak 20,000 words per day while men just a mere 7,000 that is a significant difference.  Now I know some men love to talk and some women that don’t like to talk much at all.  Women want to be Respected, Cherished, Loved, Liked, Admired, Appreciated, Valued, Nurtured.  Women want to talk with you they don’t want to be talked at.  Women want to be heard & understood.  Guy’s don’t pretend like you are listening to someone when they are speaking most of the time you can tell.

Women want to be surprised (well some of us do)  fill a room with balloons & flowers, draw a bath, rent a romantic movie, make us dinner, make a reservation to stay at a Bed & Breakfast, write us a poem, be serious when we need you too don’t always act like a 13 year old man child (believe me I hear this often), express your emotions, open the car door for us, make a picnic lunch, take photos with us, write a love letter, think outside of your comfort box and do things that would make her happy, be creative!  Those are Just a few surprise examples.  Sometimes when you have been together a long time couples allow the romance and passion to fade but that doesn’t have to be the case at all.  I have found when you have a deep love for the person you want to spend your life with the love you share together becomes stronger and more passionate as the years go by.

Women want to feel safe, protected, & supported this is so important!  When it comes to family, children, ex’s, friends, strangers, it doesn’t matter who it is be supportive and stand by your lady, don’t leave her to stand alone.  If she comes to you with her heart on her sleeve with something that is upsetting to her please DO NOT minimize her feelings.  We may not all react in the same way, and you may not even understand the reason but I am telling you if your lady  is having a strong reaction, don’t disregard what she is needing you to hear.  Forgiving someone is not the same as forgetting.  You can give forgiveness but it doesn’t mean that whatever may have happened won’t still affect the person as they continue to heal.  You have the opportunity to be the pillar of strength here and to help the healing process along, be comforting & understanding, allow her to fall apart without feeling like she is alone. Don’t take things she expresses as an emotional attack on you, (because it’s not) she is trying to honor her feelings and get to a place where she feels safe and is no longer haunted by events of the past.  This is where you can prove how much she can trust you and count on you to be there for her.

Cuddle with her, hug her, kiss her, saying I Love You is important but also find other was to express it, talk about what you find beautiful & admiring about her.  When she needs you and even when she acts like she doesn’t BE THERE with open arms.  Trust me on this one sometimes we recoil and push you away but what we really want is for you to come and hold us close let us know everything will be okay and that you will be right by our side no matter what.  When it comes to romance & sex everyone has a different perspective.  This is what I have heard…….No matter how big or skinny you may be, how young or old, how wrinkled or fit, look at us with love not with judgment. Passion is a great path to a deeper devoted love.  You see Love is one of the greatest healing energies out there.  Don’t ever be afraid to show your true self no matter how sappy or loving you are with your lady.  Be proud of who she is, don’t parade her around like a trophy, the outside is not what matters most, show her off because of the deep admiration and love you have for her as a woman.

Men please do not flirt with or check out other women when we are with you, (I don’t think you should have those behaviors even when we aren’t with you) & don’t make comments about other women it is disrespectful & Rude!  You would be surprised some of these men that feel “entitled” to behave any way they please.  We all notice beauty and other people but I feel when you are in Love and are in a committed relationship your heart only see’s other people as people not as sexual objects.  We want to be desired, we want romance,  we want that deep intense passion with you.

Abuse in any form is NOT ACCEPTABLE ever, whether it be physical or emotional.  I have heard so many women make this comment “A bruise will heal but verbal abuse stays with you for a lifetime” how terribly sad is that?  You don’t have to belittle us, call us nasty names, or threaten in any way to get your point across, your an adult act like it!  Don’t ignore one another, don’t sleep separately, don’t try to bury the issues, that never works. You have to work at resolving them and sometimes that isn’t always easy but this woman you love so deeply do you really want to shun her, sleep away from her, be so angry at her? For what it just makes matters worse.  I have found that there isn’t anything that isn’t resolvable, there isn’t anything that you can’t forgive, but it is all up to each of us as to what our limits are and what we will tolerate.

I will also say this, we all have our responsibilities & accountabilities in every situation with our partner and the sooner everyone stops playing the blame game the sooner you will have resolution and happiness with the one you love.  Communication, compassion, & hearing one another is the key to solving your toughest issues.  Men, being accountable and responsible for your part in the problem is a huge factor.  It is so easy to blame someone else for just about anything like watch this……..”I wouldn’t have called you names if YOU didn’t make me so angry” or “I wouldn’t have reacted that way if you didn’t___________”  you see it is easy to cast the blame but if your honest with yourself you will see your part and how you could have handled it differently and honestly & so will your lady.  Sometimes it may be one person but most of the time it takes two.  Just because someone is acting poorly doesn’t mean you have too.  I am saying communicate, listen, respect, don’t judge, honor, be selfless instead of selfish, throw out your ego and self entitlement because nothing good comes out of that behavior.

To put it all into perspective I like to do this……..Close your eyes an imagine that right now the moment you are in will be the last words and the last time you will see your significant other.  If your in a bad place, if apologies need to be given, if forgiveness needs to be given, if a disagreement needs to be resolved then don’t waste another moment because if you put that all aside what matters most to you?  To me it isn’t about right or wrong, it isn’t about who was silent the longest, who yelled the loudest, it is about learning new behaviors and coming to a place of acceptance much quicker rather than much later.  Honoring the one you love and nurturing your relationships especially in times of turmoil is the sign of a strong relationship.  Do your best not to hold onto anger or sadness and help one another through those times of great distress, learn how to listen and compromise.  If you are willing to do these things and work on your own behaviors and attitudes then everything will flow much smoother and it will bring you one step closer to the deep love you desire to have together.

Wishing you Peace & Serenity………Harmony

 

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