Boundaries are an important part of every relationship. Whether it is love, friendship, children, parents, colleagues, etc. boundaries are an essential part of life but they are not always easy to set. You first have to know how you feel and where you stand about something. So think about what you will accept and what makes you uncomfortable this will help you identify what your limits of tolerance will be. Let us use an example….. say if every time you talk to your sister it makes you feel upset & disappointed and you find that your level of discomfort is high, that is a warning and you need to ask yourself what is it about her that is bothering me so much?
Some people know what a healthy boundary is because they practice them, it is called respect. For those that have little to no respect or regard for someone else’s feelings/relationships it will feel like you are trampled on and you develop this fear that if you say something your afraid of what the other persons reaction will be which in turn holds you prisoner in my opinion. Examples of this are things like not saying something to your grown children because you fear they will stop talking to you, not saying something to a co-worker because of what you fear may happen in the work place.
Every relationship should be give and take if it is not equal then you are in a situation where you are not honoring your feelings & boundaries. I know this firsthand because I have dealt with this a lot in my life. I have allowed people to mistreat me, use me, disregard me, and why………? In some cases so I didn’t upset someone else or so I didn’t “Lose” a friendship but you can’t lose something that only you are a part of because that characteristic stays within you. I have lost friendships that I had for over 15 years only to realize once I was out how toxic it had really become.
Boundaries even need to be set out of respect for other people. Let’s say family treats your significant other terribly, let’s say a co-worker has crossed a personal line, Let’s say a friend is disrespectful. In all of these situations if you are not identifying and listening to how your spouse feels when they need you to handle a situation with action then your really not respecting your spouse or yourself and your disregarding their feelings. Your spouse should always come first, letting everything go because you believe that is a good solution because in your mind you can’t change how other people are isn’t what this is about. It is about having enough respect for you and your spouse clearly speaking up and telling them where the boundary is and what will not be tolerated. It doesn’t matter if it is your job, your family, or a friend!
Personal boundaries if your not use to having them or enforcing them start small and build it up from there. They really are part of a healthy life/relationship because without them people are allowed to treat you anyway they choose. Sometimes people don’t even realize what they are doing and they need to be called out on their behaviors. Even our spouses…..for me and many others when your significant other is an alcoholic that is where you need your personal boundaries up. It doesn’t mean that people will respect them or even behave in ways you wish they would but I will say this until I enforced my boundaries my life was full of resentments, chaos, sadness, loneliness, destruction, drama. I walked away from “friends” I walked away from “family” because I found that these people even when I clearly spoke up and set my boundaries and what I wouldn’t tolerate they did it anyway so guess what best thing I ever did was to leave it behind me because I don’t feel like I have this dire need to have their approval or acceptance anymore.
Our children need boundaries, our spouses, family, friends, and co-workers we all need them. Don’t be afraid to speak up you don’t have to handle it in an aggressive way handle it with dignity and care because that is who you are. Once you have put up a boundary you have to stick with it, enforce it and when you do I promise you your attitude changes, you won’t feel so stressed out anymore your life changes because one of two things will happen. You will either start having your boundaries met or you will begin to release the toxins in your life and you will start to feel whole again.
Is there someone that upsets you? Talk to them worse that happens is you finally see that they really have no regard for you and then you can stop being a puppet in their world or they will thank you because they didn’t even know how they were behaving and your relationship grows. Your children don’t have structured boundaries………start today they will thank you when they are adults, (trust me on this one)!! Consistency is the biggest part of this, it can’t be okay one day and not the next. If you have to repeat yourself that is all right keep doing it they will get it.
If you talk to someone about why you feel disrespected and the next time you talk they are the same way you need to speak up and if they continue to have no respect it is your responsibility to not engage. This is how things change, you will be so grateful that you are putting boundaries up in your life it helps you feel like your more organized and you will begin to see things more clearly that you weren’t able to before because your allowing you to take care of you for the first time! Your motivation to set boundaries will become stronger it is a self-care that will create a positive healthy energy for you. You don’t have to do this alone you can do it with your spouse. When you practice this together you hold each other accountable and it can be an amazing growing experience because your also honoring and respecting one another’s boundaries and that in itself is priceless!!
Wishing you Peace & Serenity………….Harmony