I have heard it said before that anger is just one letter away from DANGER! I found this photo quote to the left on the internet and I really like it because it means we are all responsible for ourselves and how we choose to respond. I have heard women say that during an argument they become emotional and ask their significant other if they love them and the man’s response has been they don’t know or they can’t say it but a woman even in the heat of a battle can say without a doubt “Yes I Love You”!
This really got me thinking why is that? Because no matter what is happening in one’s life if you love someone you love them, if they need you your there for them. If you are putting conditions on your love and only when things are good are you able to be that loving devoted person then in my opinion your not fully understanding the meaning of “unconditional”. If you would let someone hurt because your angry with them that is just wrong. If you hold on to your anger and let it fester inside of you instead of communicating with the other person that is wrong. That becomes “controlling anger”. Arguments are never pleasant but they happen from time to time, whether it is someone who is talking loud or just venting out their frustrations that is a normal emotion. What is never okay is the person who becomes cruel! If you start to become abusive in any sense of the word emotional, physical, mental, then you have crossed the line and what you are doing is damaging!
See to me if your threatening the status of your relationship, if your saying cruel things, if your physically inflicting pain onto someone in my opinion you need some help getting your anger under control. I have never been the type of person that couldn’t find the emotional side of an argument. Sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside and really look at the other person and ask yourself some of these questions. Are they having a hard time emotionally/ crying? Are they trying to hurt you or are they just having emotions about something that upsets them? When a person has an emotional reaction and they are trying to share that with you and explain it don’t shut them out even if you don’t understand listen and try to hear it from their perspective because getting angry about it or telling them they are wrong will not change how they feel!
Think about this, an argument only happens when someone is upset about something. So What would happen instead of you choosing to react in a negative way you remained calm and allowed the person to express their feelings and really listened to them. I can tell you what would happen the argument most of the time would stop and it would turn into a discussion. This is why…… because we are all human, we all think and feel differently. Our emotions are not right or wrong they are individually ours we feel them, we own them, nobody should have to justify why they feel what they feel. Much of the time it is from a trigger from past events that have occurred and it stirs up an emotion that you react on. It could be abandonment issues, it could be trust issues from an infidelity, a lie, physical abuse, anything can trigger an emotion.
I challenge you to try this. If you are the one with the anger problem maybe look into seeking help for it, or read about it and learn some of the tools you can do to help yourself become productive instead of destructive! Life is precious and anger can get us all down myself included but it is what you do in those moments that make the difference. Yelling, calling names, threatening, hitting none of those actions will take away the argument just because you silence someone with cruelty doesn’t mean it’s over it means the damage has just begun. Work toward resolution even if it is hard to listen to the one you love explaining how something you may have done is hurting them? Don’t get angry listen and look at it as a gift because without them telling you how would you ever know and be able to have the opportunity at changing it and growing as a person? It is never easy to hear your the cause of another’s pain but communication is key, listening, understanding and compromise is what successful relationships are made of. Respect, love, kindness, commitment, all these are a must for a healthy relationship.
So next time you feel yourself starting to get upset take a deep breath in and out a few times and look at your loved one and ask yourself is my goal here to call her/him names? Is it to beat them down emotionally until they fear our relationship? Is it to physically punish them? The answer should be no to none of the above. Take their hand and talk to them, allow them to fall apart in the safety of your arms, wipe their tears, say positive things like “I am here for you” “I am never going anywhere” “We will get thru this together” these are loving gestures that show safety and that is what Love should be about, each other!
Wishing you Peace & Serenity……..Harmony