addicts-dont-have-relationships[1]I recently posted this on my author page and it received a lot of attention so I thought I would blog about it. I often found myself for many years feeling like a hostage in my own home, life and skin because of my husband’s alcoholism!  I have heard many people say over the years that people who are in abusive relationships, or with an addict of any kind “deserve” what they get because they choose to stay.  I myself find that to be a very ignorant response and I will tell you why……

Think about it, we are all human beings and we get comfortable in situations no matter if it is good or bad for us. We get stuck in repetitive behaviors and responses and the cycle continues until you become aware of it and you choose to change it. Now you will hear my husband say that alcoholics including himself take their spouses and family hostage. So what does that mean exactly? It means that he has no control over his disease of alcoholism and he in turn is controlled by said alcoholism which creates typical alcoholic behaviors like lying, manipulating, creating chaos, doesn’t have the ability to be totally present for their family, gambling, emotional abuse and or physical abuse, stealing, infidelity, the list goes on and on.

People like myself who chose to stay doesn’t mean I deserved to be treated the way I was treated. I am also not a victim, but our children and I are hostage to the disease!  You do feel like a hostage held by this person who may look like your husband, wife, mother, father, children, Friend, Etc. however they are just a shell of a person that the drug of choice causes them to be! The good news is there is HOPE!!  When someone chooses to take that first step to change their lives and begins a recovery program like AA, Al-Anon, a rehab facility, or an outpatient program your whole world begins to change!  For someone like my husband he began to see life for what it really was, he no longer had those beer goggles on seeing things the way alcohol presented it to him he had a harsh and painful reality check and it isn’t a pleasant one!  He was finally able to see how much damage he caused not only to himself but what he caused us, his family!

I want everyone to know that we all have a choice to stay, to go, to get help, to not get help, but nobody deserves to be treated like a human punching bag and that goes for the addicted person too! Also nobody has a right to judge anyone else either, we are all running the same race in life and none of us will get out of here alive no matter what your status may be the richest person in the world or the poorest homeless person. My husband is proud to say he is a recovering alcoholic but there are people that don’t understand what alcoholism really is and they don’t believe he can be one, even though he will tell you himself he is!  Not everyone can or will recover from their addiction, not everyone will seek help and go to any lengths to change it.  For those that do get sober and want to learn how to live a happy sober life to be joyous and free from the bondage of self there are ways to do it.  My husband and I are just one example of how someone can go from living a life in HELL to living a life worth living!

You always have a choice and no one can tell you what to do but people can help you and guide you. Families are ripped apart and devastated by alcoholism and drug addiction. We all suffer lifelong affects even long after our loved ones have received help for their addictions but we learn how to forgive and heal. Some will stay together and others will not and then there are people who lose their life and take their lives everyday.  Addiction is not a joke, it is a sickness and it is very debilitating, it is crippling for the family too!

Miracles happen everyday when you chose to put down the bottle, pills, needle, whatever it may be. I always say be the change you wish to see in the world! Be the example for your children, family, and friends. You are all strong and courageous even when you are scared that is when you find your strength! Go be amazing walk into that rehab center, that meeting, get on the internet and find help in your area. Reach out to family and friends, reach out to strangers in meetings. You got this!! You will be so amazed when you walk through those doors and feel like you are finally comfortable in your own skin, that someone finally understands who you have been, when you realize you have never been alone all you had to do was to take that first step or pick up that phone. Those strangers will become your family whether it is in Al-Anon or AA or something else your world will be full of people who are there for you and will help you to succeed!

We are all a little broken inside and we are all made up of flaws but we are also full of lessons we have learned in life and when we take the time to learn what our purpose is here on this earth we begin to shine! Find whatever you are passionate about and go do it!  Never be ashamed of your story, where you came from or what you believe in, find yourself and be true to who you are……………Go be the best person you can be I know you can do it I have faith in you and remember any heartache or pain you feel will pass! Keep HOPE alive in your heart and soul and allow yourself to heal! Be well on your journey through life my friends, never take one blessing for granted!

Wishing you Peace & Serenity………Harmony ❤



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