Like the photo quote simply states…”If it’s not your story to tell, you don’t tell it”. As if it were that simple to get people to stop gossiping or lying about someone else’s life. My rule of thumb is this, I talk to the person in question. I don’t listen to anyone else’s judgments or opinions of someone else, at least I don’t allow them to define what I think of them! I have found that someone who lives with integrity and values they don’t feel the need to gossip about others in a malicious way. Discussing someone in a positive or sympathetic way is not gossip. Like if you feel bad for the hardships they are going thru in their life. If you talk about their kids and what is new with the family, Etc. that is not the same. What I am talking about is the malicious intent when you could care less about destroying another human being.
This type of behavior can come from friends, family, or strangers. My husband and I have heard pieces and versions of what other people have said that have happened or didn’t happen in our marriage. Funny thing is they didn’t live every day life with us. Matter of fact mostly people like this aren’t even involved in our lives really and they have either taken pieces of our book and twisted them into something else or they just don’t like me/us based on gossip. People like this have no idea what they are talking about. They become good at twisting your words or situations and they like to make you look like a liar or asshole, all for what? It took me a long time to not be so naïve about those that trash another person. I used to believe that they would NEVER talk that way about me, Right? WRONG! Those type of people live off of chaos and drama, I have no idea what satisfaction it brings into their lives but I know I want no part of someone who behaves that way.
I have learned that words are not just words they hurt deeply. People have taken their own lives over malicious gossip. It is very destructive to relationships and people. You can ruin someone’s reputation by spreading lies about them, they can lose a career, friendships, family, Etc. This type of behavior in my book is very TOXIC and I would never treat someone with such hate. If I don’t care for someone they are not part of my life. I don’t feel the need o destroy another human being. I have learned that some people just aren’t right and they don’t know any other way to be. If the only way you have people in your life is by pretending to be someone you are not, it will eventually catch up with you. I also read something recently that was very powerful to me it said “WHEN A TOXIC PERSON CAN NO LONGER CONTROL YOU, THEY WILL TRY TO CONTROL HOW OTHERS SEE YOU. THE MISINFORMATION WILL FEEL UNFAIR, BUT STAY STRONG ABOVE IT, TRUSTING THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL EVENTUALLY SEE THE TRUTH, JUST LIKE YOU DID”! This resonated with me deeply because it is so true and very hurtful when others believe someone else’s version of you and your life instead of talking with you directly.
I have learned to forgive people who have hurt me even though they are not in my life. I feel bad for people like that because they live in a dark place. They are very unhappy people deep down because they know what they do is wrong. On the other hand I do believe their are people born with not much of a soul and they are very dark with a lot of evil and that I don’t want that any where around me or my family. For the most part I believe people lash out because they are hurting and don’t know how to communicate in a healthy way. People with addictions are famous for manipulating, lying, doing whatever they have to, to get what they want. Only when they get into recovery do they identify with these destructive behaviors and they are fully willing to admit their mistakes because that is the only way any of us heal by taking responsibility for our own actions and not blaming someone else for why we did or said nasty things about them. You don’t have to have addiction problems either, this is for every single one of us. However, being in AA meetings with my husband the past 3 years it is so admirable when I hear people stand up and share some of their story, the awful things that they admit to doing, it is so cleansing and it helps others. Nobody is perfect but if you go thru life being malicious and purposefully nasty to another human being that is your cross to bare!
I have learned that no matter how much you want to be a part of someone’s life. No matter how much you want people to love you and accept you, not everyone will. Not every friend and family is supportive especially when it comes to addictions. We all have our own journey and you know the truth in your story. My husband and I shared OUR story because it was not only cathartic for us but very healing for him to be able to put all his behaviors out there and say “Yes I am accountable I was this monster of a person” but he also gets to say “I have learned so much being in recovery”. He isn’t ashamed to say he is an alcoholic and as a matter of fact he says it often as any alcoholic in recovery will do because it is honest and the only way to live an honest life with morals and values is to be completely honest.
We are not defined by our past but it is part of us and has taught us the mistakes we don’t want to repeat again. Nobody can tell your story but you! Be proud and own your story and don’t allow anyone to darken your light with their nasty judgments. Everyone of us has a story that is unique to us and in sharing it with others you may help someone who really needed to hear it. Never be ashamed it is your choice to change the path your on, the light always shines after the dark!
Wishing you Peace & Serenity………..Harmony