Tag Archives: Friends

HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR SOCIAL STATUS IF YOU DONT DRINK?

I saw this photo quote online and thought it would be a good topic to discuss.  I have heard people say things about how they feel like they “have to” drink to fit in.  My husband is a drummer so when he is playing in a band it brings us into the bars because that is where the local bands play, or if there is an event happening in town.  I got to thinking though that I have heard people of all ages talk about this and how they feel they have to drink to fit in.  To me I think that is just absurd and I feel that more people need to stand for what they believe in and not feel so pressured to do anything just to be accepted by people who are probably not true friends in the first place.

I take alcoholism very seriously because I live that life.  I am the wife of an alcoholic and the last thing I want is for my Daughter, Step-Children, or friends  to walk that same path.  When I hear my daughter tell me about her and her friends going out and drinking I have to admit that I sometimes kind of stop breathing for a moment because I have concerns about her ending up with a drinking problem.  I can hear her right now saying “Oh my God Mom, I don’t have a problem I don’t drink all the time, I rarely get drunk”!   And she is right, she doesn’t have a problem, I tend to over react at times, BUT because her Dad is a recovering alcoholic and she grew up in an alcoholic home and her biological Dad is an addict I can’t help but feel that overprotective Mom inside just praying that she doesn’t get caught up in any addiction.  My daughter is an independent young woman with a great job, and a good heart.  She is good to her family and friends.  She thinks before she makes choices and weighs what the consequences will be and that is simply by learning from past mistakes and lessons life has taught her.  I am a very proud Momma, she is an amazing beautiful person, a great role model for her nieces!

My husband and I have had people (men and women) ask us HOW we don’t drink in a bar. My husband tells them he is a recovering alcoholic and breaks out in hand cuffs when he drinks HAHAHA (a little dark humor there).  They will ask me why I don’t drink and my response is…… simply out of respect for my husband, and I don’t need to drink.  Some people are just amazed and just don’t understand how it is possible and believe we have such will power, (these are usually the people who have a drinking problem).  They say how envious they are because they wish they could do it.   Yet others judge us, and will give us these weird looks.  It is OK judge away, I know that they are miserable and addiction is in control of their lives so they can’t see past themselves and believe that somehow we are missing out on a “fun” life.  That would be where they are wrong, FUN didn’t start for us until recovery came into our lives.  Now it is all real and honest and we remember things we did and my husband doesn’t have to wake up in the morning wondering what he did the night before to hurt everyone and wake up with regret.

My concern though are the ones that do it to fit into a social standard.  The ones that do it even though they don’t like it and then they begin to crave it.  The ones that believe that if they drink or do drugs like their so called “friends” they will be liked.  The ones that do it for a guy or a girl.  I hear younger people being allowed to have a drink or two at a BBQ or a dinner event.  I do not agree with this.  I believe that this type of behavior that parents allow when they have teenagers just creates a pathway to some form of addiction and bad choices.  Maybe it is judgmental but I do not think it is OK to allow your underage kids to drink, they are not your friend they are your children, you are their parents and role models.  If you make bad choices like drinking and driving what do you think they will do?  Have a drink with your kids when they are grown adults and are of legal age.  I feel like we have enough troubled children in this world due to a lack of parenting with boundaries, structure and consequences. This of course is just my opinion I am not a doctor but I am a Mother, Stepmother, Wife, Daughter, Etc. so my feelings about this I will tell you I am biting my tongue right now to say more about it, but think before you act and do what is right long term for your children and family.

In our family there is a lot of addiction and it rips families apart.  It kills people, it causes terrible health issues, it destroys relationships, it is truly a devastating disease that you can actually do something about!  Get your ass to recovery, check into rehab don’t leave because it is tough because you know the saying “no pain no gain”.  It will be harder emotionally than anything but I can promise you this, your whole life will change in ways you never imagined were possible.  Nobody is blowing smoke up your ass it’s real, miracles do happen.  I mean it isn’t all unicorns and rainbow’s everyday but you will have those days too.  There isn’t just one way to recover but you must do it right.  Being dry isn’t the same as recovering!  Do the work and watch your life unfold before your eyes. Life isn’t going to give you everything you want, your marriage may be too damaged to save, you may have lost your job and everything you had, some of your relationships with family will be destroyed and you may never get that back, but you might, it may not be today or tomorrow but months and even years from now people do come back.  Have faith in yourself, when you are right and healthy you attract that back into your life.  If the best thing that happens is those people accept your amends and forgive you, then that in itself is progress. 

Sometimes we have to loose everything in order to appreciate just one thing!  Sometimes you have to start from the ground up all over again to live a life that is worth living.  Living drunk and strung out is not a life,  you are merely existing, it is not a way to live.  Stealing from families and innocent people, hurting others to get your next drink or your next high is not OK.  You may believe that the only person you are hurting is yourself but let me tell you that as the wife of an alcoholic and a mother to the children involved, you hurt your loved ones way more than you are hurting yourself and that is part of addiction, you can’t see past your own nose.  Trust me when I say to you no matter what age you are……..Be true to yourself, don’t drink or do drugs just to fit in because if that’s what you have to do to fit in then THOSE ARE NOT YOUR PEOPLE!  Your people are the ones that do not judge or criticize you but want to help you reach your God given potential to be all you can in this world.  We all have a gift, a divine purpose, find it, embrace it.  Get to know who you are without medicating and running from your issues nothing will stop that pain until you deal with it and allow yourself to heal.  Drugs and alcohol do not allow you to heal.  Recovery is work, hard work and it is something you have to choose to do every day for the rest of your life but it will be the most satisfying intense work you have ever done and the payment will be living an honest life that you can be proud of full of good honest people!!  Have a safe Memorial Day, make good choices!

Wishing you Peace & Serenity, Harmony

 

 

Things I have Learned……..

img_1518[1]This photo quote I found online is perfect for an open letter.  I want to say Thank You to anyone who has ever hurt me because without you I would not be the person I am today!  I would still be that girl that NEEDED to have a lot of friends, the girl that NEEDED everyone to like her, the girl that NEEDED to be accepted by all.  The girl who grew up into the woman who NEEDED to feel NEEDED at any cost!  Losing myself!

If I look at my life honestly I can say I have learned many lessons so far, a lot of them are painful ones.  I would say the past Five years have been very eye-opening for me realizing that people are not always who they pretend to be.  I have learned that no matter how much you want family or friends to care and accept you it doesn’t mean they will.  I have learned that when people say they are here for you many of them are not.  I have learned that Twinkies really tasted better as a kid!  I have learned that an aggressive Rooster scares me a bit.  I have learned that there are people that actually want you to fail and genuinely do not care about what’s best for you.  I have learned that my parents are getting older and they won’t be here forever.  But I have also learned that I am strong enough to handle any situation thrown my way.  I have learned it is OK to be emotional, to scream at the world and cry until snot runs out of your nose because you are a human being.

I have realized not everyone is capable of being honest.  I have learned that it burns like hell when you touch your eye after eating something salty (That was a rough lesson :)!  I have learned when you lose trust in someone it is very hard to get it back.  I have learned that some people just suck!  I have learned that sometimes laughing hysterically until you feel like your going to pee your pants is all the therapy one needs (women will understand)!  I have also learned it is OK to have things your afraid of and things you genuinely do not want to do and as long as it has no control over your life then it’s all good!  Not everyone wants to jump out of an airplane, or run with the bulls, or go diving with sharks, or walk on hot coals, and that is OK because we are all individuals.

Mostly what life has taught me is that even on my worst days it is a beautiful journey!  It is my choice everyday if that friend, family member, stranger, co-worker is going to bring me down.  Hey, I am only human some things affect me deeper than others.  Like seeing my Father struggle with the reality that more than likely he will never be able to leave long term care.  When my daughters heart aches.  When I see other people intentionally trying to cross boundaries in my marriage.  When I know people are lying to me and they continue on with the charade.  When I see abused animals (that one really pulls at the heart strings).  When I have been hurt and I relive a memory that is painful.

There are so many things we all have emotions about.  It boils down to this for me.  Recently I had learned of a long-time friend being manipulative and lying to me for many, many years.  When I simply asked about this do you know what happened?  There was no discussion, there was blame put on me, & I was immediately discarded from their life after 30 years of “friendship”.  They were caught in a lie and because they are so sick all they could do was remove me and run.  All I can do in that situation is to be grateful to know the truth because I will no longer keep someone like that in my life.  There are family members that we know tell lies & talk bad about people.  We believe they don’t intend to be bad people but they have bad intentions, we care about them but know that it only hurts us to keep them in our life so for our well-being we don’t have active relationships with them.

We all make mistakes in life but some things are very destructive and you have to decide for yourself what is best for you.  Also, If your spouse is uncomfortable or consistently bothered by something maybe don’t be so quick to dismiss it take another look from their perspective you could be missing what is important.  There may be things you wouldn’t normally do but sometimes you have to go outside your comfort zone in order to achieve what is best.  I have learned that just because I have a painful memory come up that brings a lot of emotions with it, it simply means that for whatever reason in that moment I am having a flashback and maybe it is because something similar is happening in my life.  Or it could mean that I have been triggered by something.  Not everyone is holding a grudge or resentment just because they remember something, it just happens to be a part of my life and the lessons I have learned from it and to me it is the universe’s way of making sure I don’t forget who I am and how far I have come!  There is so much more I can add but I will just close with this……….We all have a path to follow and along the way there will be signs thrown your way as to what is right and wrong, it is up to you what you do with it.  Love is the greatest healer and the most powerful gift you can give to another person, when you find Love within yourself you will find Peace!

Wishing you Peace & Serenity……….Harmony

 

 

 

 

899 DAY’S OF OUR LIFE IN SOBRIETY!!!

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My husband holding his 2 year sobriety coin! 10/7/2014

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Me, Curtis, Shellie, Dan

Sometimes the worst situations in life turn into our greatest lessons. As of today my husband has 899 days of sobriety which is just shy of 2 1/2 years!!!  I can’t begin to write the words that could even express how proud I am of him.  To say we have been to hell and back would be an understatement! Today my Blog is a photo collage of some of the great times we have had rebuilding our marriage the past few years! The family that has supported us through it all. The new friends we have met are some of the most amazing people & we feel so blessed to have all of you in our life!  My husband got into recovery, I wrote a book, my husband played in a band, we met family we didn’t know, we saved a deformed puppy & added him to our family, we renewed our wedding vows, we went on a real honeymoon, among many other things! Mostly we are blessed to have not given up on each other and the beautiful once in a lifetime kind of love we share!!!  I can honestly say it has been one tough journey, not every day is awesome but there isn’t a day that goes by that I wouldn’t do it all over again because I found where I belong in this life and my place is next to my husband and always will be!!!   We hope you enjoy some of our favorite moments and feel free to share some of yours with us!!!!

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My Brother & Father

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The Reno Crew out at the Quincy show for 12 OH 5!

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Curtis, Me, Cero Stead Airport watching Joe & Steve play in their band

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Me, Curtis, Polly, & Dom at my 1st. book signing

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Our Vow Renewal 6/22/14

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My dearest friend supporting our book!

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Kisses Baby!!! XOXOX

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Our Vow Renewal with Heidi & Frank

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Our newest family addition PICASSO the electrodactyl puppy other wise know as “Lobsterclaw”

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Our Vow Renewal all our kids are grown, Caryssa, Cheriann, Me, Curtis, Cyle, Kayleen

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Nancy & Rich, Lisa & Paul

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Me & my husband on our HoneyMoon

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Honey has to keep me in line 🙂

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Motorcycle ride up to Tahoe to watch Nigel, Us with Paul & Lisa

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Me & My Love

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On our way to one of my Honey’s shows

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First time in 14 years we dressed up and went out for Halloween

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At Hellfire with Sunshine & Barb

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Breakfast with The Gere’s

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Harry & Rose

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1st Annual Love Feast with friends at The Gere’s

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Patrice’s baby shower

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New Family we just met

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Cero, Marlene, Me & Curtis

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A photo with my love the drummer

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This is True Love

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Tina & Curtis

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The Men

As always Wishing you Peace & Serenity…….Harmony

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We are soooo theatrical!!!

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Thanksgiving “2014” with some of the most supportive people in our lives our family!!

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Book just published going around town to get it in the stores!