It is so easy to look at someone and place a judgment isn’t it? We truly never know what others have or are going through. When others have judged you based on gossip and the opinions of another person without speaking to you directly, that is a character defect on their part. It is true what they say, “If someone is trashing another person to you, I guarantee they are talking the same about you when you aren’t around”. I have learned that there is a BIG difference in talking shit about a person and talking about a shitty person! We all talk about people but it isn’t always done with ill intent. We talk about family, friends, even strangers. Talking about real things that have happened is not the same thing as gossip, (at least not to me) to me gossip is taking pieces of the truth and twisting it into some bullshit story or sharing something about someone that is personal that they shared with you and you start to tell anyone who will listen. You know how it goes, you tell one person something like “I went to the doctor and found out I am pre-diabetic”. After sharing it with a room full of different people it comes back as “Oh my God she is dying she doesn’t have long to live”. Weird example, but I mean you can see the drama put into it and the spin people add to it.
Me myself, I have been falsely accused of things. The problem I have is not one single person has ever taken the time to reach out to me or my husband and asked us questions or questioned whatever they have heard. Both my husband and I have just been convicted of whatever this made up crap is and that is the way it is. Then more people jump on this band wagon and project even more lies and before you know it everyone dislikes you and it’s literally all based on what……..nothing but LIES and preconceived notions & prejudgment about things they know nothing about! Let me tell you what that does to someone. It causes a lot of heartache and pain. It causes a sadness because you wanted so much to be part of a bigger family or friendship and you don’t have a chance, you never did because people have caused defamation of character and the people close to them they just believe what they hear and destroy any chance of a relationship.
In that toxic situation you choose you, the healthiest thing you can do is walk away from it because you can’t change it. Sometimes there is so much damage that it is unrepairable. You can forgive for yourself and let it go so it doesn’t consume you. As my Dad used to say “Fuck people if they don’t want to be part of your life, their loss” Amen Poppa so true! It’s like you have no chance to make an impression because without even speaking a word to you someone thinks they know what you are all about. Then there are people that play the poor me game so well. Yet they are so completely devious you have no idea until you do something to set them off and then you see the other face they were hiding and how hypocritical they really are. I have known both sides of a situation and have seen this in action for myself. It really is very sad the damage it causes to so many. Some go so far as to take their own lives because this is a type of bullying and they can’t take the pain of it and there is no way out to prove yourself. Shame on those of you that cause that type of harm to another soul.
If I tell you something about someone or a situation it is because I have seen it for myself and I may be trying to protect someone. I don’t just talk about people to others, I keep that to myself and my husband. I have no reason to lie and make up things about another person. It does nothing for me. When I go to bed at night I want to do it with a clear conscience knowing I wasn’t out robbing or lying to people or spreading damaging rumors about another person. I live my life with honesty, & integrity. I have empathy & compassion for others. If I see or hear for myself how someone is dishonest and intentionally cruel. If I see people living selfishly and self-entitled. If you cause me, my family, or friends harm in anyway I am done! I have no time for that type of destruction in my life nor do I want any part of it.
Some believe that their job title, the house they live in, the car they drive, or the family they come from Entitles them to a certain privilege. Not in my book. You may be very wealthy and powerful and have the most lavish things life has to offer but underneath it all you are still a human being like everyone else. We talk about people everyday but it isn’t met with ill intent. We talk to friends about other friends and family about things that have happened or how we feel about something. That is totally different. What I am talking about is when you dislike someone and say terrible things about them so others will dislike them too, you are intentionally causing harm to another human being. When someone is trying to share something with you and you don’t hear them or project your own thoughts or feelings into it you are discounting another human being. When you share idle gossip heard from another person and not directly knowing or seeing for yourself, you are harming another human being! Just STOP IT!
I could go on and on about the different situations and examples but here is what I believe. Keep your side of the road clean. If you don’t see it or hear it for yourself it’s just gossip. Even if you see or hear something for yourself not everyone wants the personal parts of their life spread around like wildfire for others to judge. Bottom line is if you aren’t willing to talk to someone yourself and make your own judgment call to find out what the truth really may be then keep your mouth shut and mind your own business! None of us are perfect but I keep to myself for a reason. Although my husband and I have been the subject to a lot of ill intended gossip that has hurt us and our relationships with several people it will never break us. We are too strong and have no time for that type of petty bullshit. We don’t take people at their word about another person, we check it out ourselves and form our own opinions and conclusions.
If more people did this there would be less drama in this world. Friendships and family relationships wouldn’t be harmed the way they have been, but to me it just weeds out the ones I want nothing to do with because I don’t want that in my life. I try to help others, I help animals, I speak honestly and sometimes too brutally, but I don’t lie, steal, cheat, I have no reason too. I am who I am, like me, love me, hate me, your choice, but being a good person trying to make a difference in the world. Cherishing my family and friends that are real, honest, supportive, those are the people I want in my life. Whether there is 1 or 100 I will take it over a million phony fake evil people any day! Remember what you judge may one day be the situation you find yourself in! Be kind and be the change you wish to see in this world!
Wishing you peace & Serenity………Harmony